umbrella warfare

One thing that I have learned living in New York is not to fear the constant threat of imminent death, but rather to dread the days it rains. Umbrellas are a scary weapon, weilded not only by slightly befuddled tourists asking which way to Fifth Avenue, but also by angry New Yorkers pushing said tourists out of their way on the neverending quest to find a cab on a rainy day. I would like to take this opportunity to educate the masses on proper umbrella etiquette.

Basic rules: 1) Pretend that the sidewalk is like a street. Stay to the right. 2) Carry a small umbrella....why does one person need a golf umbrella walking alone up Broadway during rush hour?


Scenario one: Two people are walking towards one another, each with an umbrella. The person with the larger umbrella holds said umbrella higher up, and carries it above the smaller umbrella. Person with smaller umbrella makes sure to not gouge out eyes of person with larger umbrella by slightly tipping littler umbrella away (make sure not to hit other pedestrians, and remember, you will have coverage of larger umbrella) or pulling down little umbrella as low as possible.

Scenario two: Two people are walking towards eachother, and only one of them has an umbrella. Person with umbrella lifts said umbrella above the head of the umbrella-less person. Person without umbrella agknowledges kindness with smile or nod, even a spoken "thank you" if you are feeling particularly kind, or you are a tourist from Minnesota.

Scenario three: You have a wet umbrella and get on the train. Please do not hold wet umbrella in hand that is holding on to pole, thus dripping all over other passengers who will inevitably take out their umbrella and beat you with it. Instead, keep a plasic bag in your purse or man-bag and put wet umbrella into plastic bag and then slip plastic bag into your bag.

I think together we can make New York City a lovely place to live, and not fear rainy days. If you have have any questions....read this again and take copious notes. Don't be afraid to make a rainy day post-it to help you remember these thoughts. Have a nice day.

love,
beth

Photo credit: www.oocl.com